


As they grow restless looking for some solitary company

by vogue91



Series: 500themes [73]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Anal Sex, Crying, Established Relationship, Fights, Jealousy, M/M, Making Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 14:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21273038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “I'm asking again. What’s gotten you so mad?”“I'm surprised you even noticed.”“What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I notice, I'm your damn boyfriend.”“Doesn’t really feel that way, lately.”





	As they grow restless looking for some solitary company

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I think I canned the prompt. But, in my defense, the fight should've been a little lighter. Than I've watched Kemono to Bara's making and, gee Hikka, you're allowed to smile from time to time. So this came out. And I sort of hate it.

**Title: **As they grow restless looking for some solitary company

**Characters: **Yaotome Hikaru, Nakajima Yuto

**Pairing: **Yaotome/Nakajima

**Rating: **R

**Word count: **3.568

**Prompt: [127\. Lost soul](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)**; [15 – Sweet and passionate](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2019/01/30-days-otp-challenge-nsfw-version.html)

**N/A: **Written for the 30 day OTP challenge – NSFW Version. Title’s from Toto’s Africa.

One of the perks of being with someone who wore his happiness on his face for anyone to read, was that Hikaru could tell a mile away when Yuto was _not_ happy. At all.

This time, anyway, Hikaru couldn’t really blame him; lately he hadn’t been in a good mood, always tired for work and with too little time to spend with Yuto. The way he had been basically ignored him during filming must’ve reached the younger and got him like that.

Hikaru had no will to fight, but neither he wanted to let his boyfriend pout from there till when things would’ve actually started getting better, so he decided to just be done with it.

“I'm sorry.” he started off, just as his boyfriend finished doing the dishes after dinner.

Yuto stopped with the rag mid-air, and slowly turned to look at him, confused. And mildly angry, it seemed to the elder.

“About?” he asked, cautious.

Hikaru sighed and sat down at the table, planting his elbows in it and sustaining his head in his hands.

“How I’ve been lately?” he asked more than state, as if he wasn’t sure in the first place what he was apologizing about. “You were in a bad mood today, and I figured it was because of that. It’s not like I don’t realize I haven’t been the life of the party these past few weeks, but I just can’t help it. I’ve been feeling down.” he raised his eyes on him, giving him a tentative smile. “I don’t spend enough time with you. Alone I mean, aside from work. I suppose our job has finally started taking its toll on me.” he shrugged, and looked intently at his boyfriend, trying to realize whether he was on the right path or not.

Or not, of course.

“Oh, of course.” Yuto murmured, unimpressed. He put the rag back in his place, and whilst Hikaru thought he was going to sit down with him, the younger just kept wandering around the kitchen, clearly making up stuff to do. “Yeah, I kind of had noticed. But it wasn’t why I was in a bad mood.” he stopped while he straightened the clock on a wall – which had been crooked for almost a decade now – and looked back at him. “What can I say. Maybe I’m affected by work as well. Or maybe I just _miss_ something, I really couldn’t say.”

Now, after all the years they had spent together, Yuto should’ve really known Hikaru was the worst man in the world at taking hints.

No, he couldn’t do it like this. If he had an issue, he was going to need him to spell it out. Slowly.

He got up, reaching him and blocking his wrists before he could start spring cleaning six months early.

“Yu.” he told him, trying to sound as desperate as he actually felt. “I was being serious. I’ve been feeling down for far too long. I'm tired. I don’t...” he took a deep breath, pleading with his eyes. “Just tell me what’s wrong. I got the strength to try and fix this, but I don’t have it to figure it out first. Please.” he asked, hoping he was getting through to him.

Yuto stared at him for a moment. If possible, it seemed that Hikaru’s speech had only made him more angry.

“No need to waste your precious energies, then.” he muttered, wriggling out of the elder’s hold on his wrists and heading toward the bedroom in long strides.

Hikaru heard him slam the door before he could realize what had happened.

He bit hard on his tongue, trying to calm himself down.

Why did it always have to end up like this?

Why couldn’t Yuto just talk to him, instead of playing it as if his pride was irremediably wounded and Hikaru was some monster?

Sometimes, Hikaru really wished he could’ve found it in himself not to care.

He let a few minutes pass, but it was really all his resolve could take; he then reached the bedroom door, knocking on it, trying to be as careful as possible not to make things worse.

“It’s open. Of course.” he heard Yuto snort.

So much for being polite.

“You can’t storm out like that.” he told him, feeling already as if he was about to lose it. “You can’t avoid arguments like this. If you don’t want to have a fight, then don’t wallow around with that look on your face, because you know I can’t stand it and I'm bound to ask about it.” he took a deep breath, trying to keep himself in check. “And I'm asking again. What’s gotten you so mad?”

Yuto – who was currently sitting on the bed, his knees against his chest – didn’t even look at him.

“I'm surprised you even noticed.” he murmured, his voice unsteady, as if he was about to cry.

Hikaru goggled, surprised.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked. “Of course I notice, I'm your damn boyfriend.”

“Doesn’t really feel that way, lately.” Yuto replied promptly, now looking at him, the rage clear on his face.

“I told you, Yuto, for heaven’s sake!” the elder raised his voice, unable to help it. “Is it my fault we’re overworked? Or that even when we don’t work we’ve got a thousand more things to do? I’m sorry if you feel neglected, but it neither of our faults if we...”

“Please, just shut up!” Yuto screamed, actually bringing his hands to his ears. It was so childish and so unlike him that Hikaru now got really, really scared about what was going on.

“Yutti, I...” he said, now perfectly calm, but it didn’t make a difference for the younger.

“I said shut up!” he repeated, getting up to stand in front of him. “I don’t want to hear your bullshit, I don’t want to hear any more of this shit about how tired you are or how it’s because of work.” he took a deep breath, which did nothing for his anger. “You aren’t tired, Hikaru. You haven’t touched me in weeks, you haven’t even made an effort toward me. It’s like you’ve given up, and it’s been like this since...” he closed his eyes briefly, as if to prevent himself from actually crying. “It’s been like this since Keito left.” he said in the end, and then went back sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting.

Waiting for what?

Hikaru felt empty, all of a sudden.

Keito?

No, really. What had his stupid boyfriend gotten into his thick skull?

“Keito.” he repeated, to make sure he had understood correctly.

“Just don’t, Hikaru.” Yuto hissed as a warning, and now the elder was pretty sure he had heard the right thing.

And still, it made no sense.

“I mean...” he started, unsure. “Of course I miss him. I'm his friend, I knew already I was going to miss him. But you do too, right? The two of you are even tighter, it should affect you more than me, really.” he shrugged. “Well, I’ve been hearing from him quite a lot. Apparently he doesn’t feel too good there on his own. So actually, I haven’t even gotten a chance to miss him at all.”

Yuto raised his eyes on him again, and now he only looked sad. Which was even worse.

“I know you’ve been hearing from him.” he murmured. “And those are the only times I see a smile on your face. At first I didn’t pay attention to it, I was convinced it was about work as well but...” he sighed. “Then it dawned on me. You were so damn sad when he told us he was going to leave. And the two of you have always had this connection, this chemistry which...” he paused, blushing a little. “I'm not saying I think the two of you had something behind my back or anything. But I believe you wanted to.” he whispered, as if he was scared to say it out loud.

Hikaru wanted to scream. He wanted to scream, to hit him, insult him and whole lot of other stuff.

Instead, he went sitting next to him on the bed, looking at him even though the younger wasn’t looking back.

“When we first got together, I was a bit worried because I didn’t think I could keep up with you. I was intimidated because, you know, you’re so much smarter than me.” he said, shaking his head. “Thank you for finally putting my mind at ease and filling the gap, Yutti. You are an even bigger idiot than I am.”

“Don’t, Hikaru.” Yuto murmured, his voice so damn sad that the elder felt all of his anger fade away.

“But I have to.” he replied, slowly putting an arm around his boyfriend’s waist, surprised he didn’t push it away. “I have to tell you how stupid you’re being, because it’s the only answer I have for you. I have nothing else to explain, because if you think I could possibly have any _feelings_” he made a face at the word “for Keito, then the only thing I can think of is that you’ve hit your head. Pretty hard. Which is a shame, because it’s clearly ruined that beautiful, beautiful brain of yours.”

Yuto raised his eyes; if he was amused, it still didn’t show.

“But it’s not crazy.” he said, unsure. “The timeline fits. And, as I said, there’s the fact the we haven’t _been together_ in ages. And you may not have noticed, but I’ve tried, and you’ve always shut me down.” he shrugged. “This is not who I am, Hikaru, and I hate myself right now. I'm not a jealous person nor an insecure one, and until not very long ago I was sure that you loved me more than I’ve ever been sure of anything. And it kills me not having that confidence anymore.”

Hikaru felt very close to panicking. All the tiredness he had felt up until now disappeared, as if he had suddenly awoken.

He felt terrified.

“Don’t be stupid.” he said in a rush, his anxiety speaking for him. “Yuto, try and understand: loving you is basically the only thing I'm good at. Do you realize what it means to me when you tell me you’re not sure about it?” he pursed his lips, nervous. “I'm genuinely sorry, Yuto. I hadn’t realized how I made you feel, I didn’t even stop and think how my attitude has been affecting you. And you’re right, I didn’t realize you had tried to get close to me, and it’s inexcusable, and I promise you I will do better.” he took a deep breath, shaking his head. “But you can’t honestly believe I could think about anyone but you. Let’s set aside for a moment the fact that you thought of _Keito_, of all people, but really, Yutti...” he brought a hand under his face to force him to look at him, and tried his best to smile. “It’s been a hell of a time. I think I could’ve just thrown in the towel, if I hadn’t had you with me. When I get like this, you’re the only thing that keeps me going.” he winced, then looked a little embarrassed. “Even though it doesn’t show.”

Yuto looked intently at him.

Hikaru knew he believed him, that he just needed the reassurance; but still, when the younger threw his arms around his neck, it was only then that he started breathing again.

“I'm sorry.” Yuto said, the sound muffled by the elder’s shoulder. He pulled up and wiped his face; Hikaru couldn’t even say when he had started crying. “I suppose it hasn’t been easy on me either. You’re right, we work too much and...” he turned his nose up. “And I get it if you didn’t feel right these past few months. But you have to understand, as time went by I started making up the worst scenarios, then we basically stopped having sex and...” he shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it felt more comfortable believing that you were thinking about someone else, than to deal with the fact that you might care less about me.”

Hikaru wrapped his arms around him, frantically, and started pressing kisses all over his faces; he _needed_ to feel him close, or he felt as if he could’ve died without it.

“Please Yuto, stop.” he asked him, uncomfortable. “I can’t hear you say it. I just can’t. Believe that I get my rocks off with a thousand different men, just for kicks. Believe I'm a moron and that I don’t deserve your love, but don’t you _ever_ let yourself think that I might love you less.” he held his face tight, looking him straight in the eyes. “Please.” he repeated.

Yuto nodded, his hand going to caress the side of his boyfriend’s face.

“I won’t.” he promised. “I won’t, Hikka. I’ve just been...” he chuckled, and it felt like heaven to Hikaru’s ears. “Perhaps you’re right, I must’ve hit my head. Really hard.” he leant over again, and just let his boyfriend hug him, caressing down his back in a soothing manner.

Hikaru started to calm down, slowly. He kissed down the side of Yuto’s neck, holding him close, finally realizing what he had been missing all that time.

That. Just that. He felt so content, he couldn’t even remember what he had done the whole day at work, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do tomorrow, nor the day after.

“I’ve been so stupid.” he murmured in his boyfriend’s ear. “If I hadn’t been so focused on how off I felt, I might’ve just realized you’ve always been the solution. That all I need to forget all of my problems is you, Yutti.” he pulled away a little, kissing his lips. “I love you, Nakajima Yuto. You, and no one else. And forever. And I hope you’ll have me, even though I'm an idiot.”

Yuto laughed, nodding.

“Apparently, it rubbed off on me. So we’re kind of doomed.” he breathed in deeply, then was serious again. “Hikaru...” he murmured, and when he couldn’t manage to go on he just leant closer again, straddling the elder’s lap and holding tight onto him, pressing their foreheads together. “I just want to forget about this whole argument. About the way I’ve felt.” he grabbed Hikaru’s wrists, bringing his hands under his shirt. “Just _make me_ forget, Hikaru.”

And there was no way the elder was going to deny him that.

He kissed him, as hard as he thought he ever had. He made sure his hands covered every inch of his body, and from the way Yuto was writhing on top of him, he reached his goal.

He explored the younger’s mouth with his tongue, than moved along his jawline and lower, to his neck and his collarbone, making a quick work of his t-shirt, suddenly craving for much skin.

When he got him half naked he pulled away a little, panting.

“Yu...” he murmured, taking a deep breath to try and calm down. “I can’t believe you really thought... there’s no one, _no one_ I’ve ever desired as much as I desire you. Nor there ever will be.”

Yuto groaned at that, and moved to lie down on the bed, taking quickly the rest of his clothes off.

“Then you owe it to me to just prove it.” he whispered, his voice thick with both arousal and need for reassurance.

And even though Hikaru wished he didn’t have to reassure him about anything, he rushed to comply.

The way he was naked and with his fingers inside the younger’s mouth in the next minute, making sure he coated them properly, told him perhaps he had missed this more than he had previously realized.

Yuto made a sloppy job on his hand, unable to focus; after a while he just pushed it away, looking desperate.

“_Please_, Hikka. Just...”

The elder didn’t need to know how the sentence ended; he moved his fingers down to where Yuto wanted him, the teasing almost non-existent before he pushed one inside of him.

_Kami-sama._

Had he always been so tight? 

He took particular cure into preparing him, no matter how Yuto tried to rush it; hurting him was the last thing on his list to do that night, he wasn’t going to risk it.

Once he got three fingers inside, anyway, the enraged look on his boyfriend’s face was enough to make him lose all of his care.

“Hikaru, I swear, if I don’t feel you inside me in the next ten seconds I could just...”

“It’s okay.” the elder told him, rushing to position himself in between his legs, hissing when his cock made contact with the younger’s rim; it was as if he hadn’t realized how hard he had been all this time. “Like this?” he asked him, brushing a lock of hair from his face, leaning down to place a few kisses around his mouth.

“Yeah.” Yuto groaned, pushing his hips up. “Yeah, just like this. I want to watch you.”

And Hikaru didn’t need more than that.

He thrust inside, slow enough to avoid hurting him, to make him feel the drag, to go crazy himself with the way the younger’s walls gripped him like a vice, guiding him deeper, making him feel as if he never wanted to get out again.

How long had it been, really? How had he lived without this without even taking notice?

“You feel so good, babe.” he murmured right into his ear, giving another experimental thrust and hissing. “I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry, I'm _so _sorry I...”

Yuto grabbed his face in his hands, silencing him with a deep kiss.

“Just move, Hikka.” he told him once he pulled away. “It’s been a while. Feeling you inside is already too much. Don’t want to miss out on all the fun.”

And feeling basically the same way, Hikaru did as asked. He kept angling his thrust, choosing precision over speed, knowing how quickly he could undo his boyfriend like this.

It felt as if he was floating in the air, the only thing keeping him anchored to the earth Yuto’s body and the way his fingernails scratched his back, his moans loud and sinful, his face a mess of pleasure, and Hikaru knew he wasn’t lying when he said this wasn’t going to last long.

He went a little faster, then, and didn’t even bother to ask Yuto whether he wanted him to touch him. He knew there was no need.

To prove him right, the next minute the younger was clawing harder at his skin, forcing himself to keep his eyes open whilst he looked at him, letting out some incoherent words about how he loved him, how good it felt and how he never wanted to let him go.

It was enough for Hikaru as well.

Yuto’s orgasm triggered his own, and he fell into pure bliss as he emptied inside of him, feeling complete, as if the past few months had been erased from his memory and he was starting anew, making of Yuto everything he knew in the world.

It took both of them a long while before recovering; in the end, when Hikaru pulled up, he saw Yuto was crying again.

“Oh.” he said, panicking a little despite the beatitude of the very recent orgasm. “Yu, love, is everything alright? Did I hurt you, did I...”

Yuto hit his shoulder to shut him up, and shook his head.

Hikaru pulled out of him, carefully, and laid on the other side of the bed, wrapping his arm around him and slowly caressing his hair.

“I'm sorry.” the younger managed to say in between the tears. “I swear, I have no idea what’s wrong with me, I...” he chuckled, deeply embarrassed. “Well, I don’t have to tell you this never happened to me. You were there too the last million times I had sex.” he shook his head, hiding his face under his boyfriend’s neck. “I suppose I was just wound too tight. Thanks for this, really. I might’ve imploded any time now.”

Hikaru shook his head, still a little concerned.

“You can’t thank me. I was the reason you were like this in the first place.”

Yuto pulled up a little, chuckling.

“Well... yeah, that’s true.” he didn’t deny. “But I guess it’s better it was you, no? You were also there to fix it, instead of leaving me a lost soul at the mercy of my own devices.” he pressed a kiss to his lips, still sniffing a little. “Maybe I just needed the cry, just like I needed the sex. Just like I needed you.” he admitted, and now he was smiling, pure and simple.

“Next time I’m a jerk, you’re pleased to call me on it as soon as you realize it.” Hikaru said shaking his head, still displeased with himself. “You’re really unpleasant to look at when you cry.”

Yuto hit his shoulder, but the way he did that, the way he laughed and the long kiss he gave me afterwards told Hikaru they were okay.

He needed this too, to feel whole again.

There was no ailment, after all, that one couldn’t cure for the other; when they found it in themselves to ask.


End file.
